Sky is the Limit

Extend your ladder,
Child. The sky just got higher,
The view is divine.

Opening Ceremony

[Y]
Olympic patience
exercised as I await
the games to begin

[Y]
Hypnotic son et
lumiere at Bird's Nest silence
"Free Tibet!" protests

[J]
Vast Chinese forests
Inspired it. But with fireworks,
I just see Don King.

Jack Handey

[Y]
You are fictitious,
Just created by a dude
whose name's Jack Handey

[J]
Your identity,
Once a mystery, is now
A mere enigma

[J]
Come now, be honest:
Other thoughts spring to mind when
I say, "Jack Handey."

Fabulous Scrabulous

[It's hard to read the message above, so I reprint it here:
"Scrabulous is disabled for US and Canadian users until further notice..."]

The best Facebook app
is under suit by Scrabble.
This is such crapple.

Amy Winehouse Wax Statue

[Y]
Shit, Amy hasn't
looked that fat since months ago
before she did crack

[Y]
Parents' denial
thinking that this waxy dame
is their little girl

[MB]
The wax look is good
perhaps the cure for her is
a paraffin dip

Cover of The New Yorker

[1]
'Bama and his boo
Fist-bumping, rifle-toting
selves to the White House

[2]
We need more fodder
for the fearful ignorant on
the man for change?

Pamplona Parade Horse

[1]
A man and a horse
Make a centaur. A man and
a centaur make me.

[2]
My legs escape me.
I had once four, now just two.
Where may be two more?

High School Graduation Tradition

[Y]
Ooo, me! I see it!
That shiny penny down there
Belongs in my bank

[J]
In just a few months
This won't be the last time her
legs were in the air

[J]
Peer pressure still rules.
Kids are jumping off of cliffs.
And others follow.

[J]
One character here
Is actually made of wax.
Can you guess which one?

[Y]
I graduated!
Wheee! Into the lake I -- CRAP!
Still wearing flipflops.

[J]
Ok, so we all jump
On the count of three. One...Two...
SIKE! Ha ha -- suckahhhhhh!

[Y]
Garbage bag? Not quite.
Plastic graduation gown.
They saw this coming.

[J]
Last in the water
Is valedictorian!
Oh wait, I mean--CRAP!

[Y]
Why is everyone,
I mean EVERYONE, wearing
Khakis in this town?

[J]
They jump in the lake,
caution to the wind. Much like
how they'll treat booze soon.

Mash Cone

[1]
British food sucks now
Scooping it into a cone
Will not redeem it

[2]
There are just some things
You can knock before you try.
This is one of them

[3]
Keep this mash away
From sugar, waffle, ALL cones
And away from me

On the Fashion Runway

[1]
If I crouch down low

And hide there in the bushes
I will blend in, right?

[2]
Shoot, you wouldn't want
to show your face wearing this
thing-o-shirt either

Neti pot

[Y]
Waterboarding? Ha!
Get those terrorists to talk
With a neti pot

[J]
Say, hey there, big boy
Come over here and let me
Please you nasally

[Y]
Why I clean my pipes
Once a day? So I can keep
The doctor away

[J]
Come on, let's face it
This may be healthy, but I
Look ridiculous

[J]
Is it possible
To look at this picture and
Not see a phallus?

[J]
I don't mind the jokes;
'Cause as you can clearly see
Blondes have way more fun

[Y]
I have more than air
In between my ears; you see
I have water too

[J]
Dude, I'm so wasted!
This wicked neti pot is
Waaaay better than crack

[Y]
Lady, you have hit
rock bottom in Hollywood
with this funky ad

[Y]
Your best glamor shot?
Are you kidding me? You're done
in Hollywood now

[J]
Hard up for a job?
Desp'rate for that next paycheck?
Then shout, "Neti pot!"

[Y]
Sing all together,
"I'm a little neti pot
Up your nose, here is..."

[J]
How much would you bet
That neti pots in action
Are some dude's fetish?

[J]
I'll be honest here...
This ad isn't exactly
Selling the product

[MB]

Hear my fervent plea:

Flush my head of this foul snot!

Save me, Neti Pot.

Dangerous Liaison

Watch it, Polar Bear!
If Daddy sees us like this
You'll be his new rug

Tornadoes Hit College Dorm

Study. Snooze. Alarm.
Drink. Study. Pee. Sleep. Noise. Wake.
Tornado. Ruin.

Kenyan Elections

Calls for recount cause
riots, chaos. Who will do
recount of the dead?